Welcome to the Simon Jolly Timeline. This is a set of important events in my life as far as I can patch them together. I apologise to those who know stuff better than me...I was drunk at the time.

08/05/79    Simon Richard Jolly, born Bishop Auckland, Durham.

14/03/81    First words spoken (allegedly)

26/07/81   Stephen (evil brother) born. Immediately starts biting Simon etc.

01/08/83    Started Leighswood Infant School. Continue until 11. (obviously, the school was also a junior one too. I didn't spend six years at an infant school.)

04/05/84    Sarah born. Immediately starts taking beatings from both siblings.

04/07/90    Started at Queen Mary's Grammar School, Walsall. Later to regret this choice of action (for approximately 5 years)

26/06/95    G.C.S.E.S Come in. Not bad, not great.

06/07/95    Started 6th Form at Queen Mary's Grammar School, Walsall. Later to regret this choice of action. (for approximately 2 years)

17/07/97    A-Level Results. See G.C.S.E'S

28/09/97    Started at The Nottingham Trent University. Later to regret this choice of action (for approximately 24 seconds)

06/10/99    One year placement for Schlumberger (see c.v.) Hi guys, don't remember much though!

04/06/01    Finished university, started work for O.D.

04/06/01    Moved to salubrious area of Nottingham, Clifton. Ah well.

08/09/02    Moved to West Bridgford, Nottingham. Didn't last long, thanks Sanj.

04/03/03    Moved again - Lenton in Nottingham this time.

01/12/04    Bugger! Moved house again. See the West Bridgford bit.

Ever heard the saying "If you might not like the answer don't ask the question."?

Well, you won't. So don't. Simon.